Recently, two people that are very dear to me shared some of their childhood experiences of being emotionally, physically and sexually abused by their biological father. They shared some of the ways in which they’ve struggled with trusting their mom for not rescuing them and the anguish from feeling his family knew about the abuse and covered for him instead of helping them into safety and some of the ways that it is affecting their adult life.
As a survivor of abuse, I have lived through the days of silence, pain, self blame and self hate that fed my desire to die. It has effected relationships, my ability to feel safe and at times my ability to trust myself.
Through my own healing journey, I have learned that it is easier to face every aspect of myself then it is to deny that it exists.
Through talking about being a survivor we break the silence and we give a voice to the fractals of us that is trapped in time. It allows us to love the aspects we once abandoned. We begin to heal and accept ourself. We are able to put into perspective that we are not to blame.
Statistics are not necessarily relevant as I believe many cases go unreported.
As a society we need to learn to ask the right questions, pay attention to red flags and listen to our own gut feelings and learn to understand the behavior of someone who may be being abused or abusing others.
Keeping the silence is not the answer. Children need us to be there for them.
Families that keep the silence provides the perfect breeding grounds for generational abuse. Often, the perpetrator abuses several people within the same family. Some victims act upon what they have been subjected to. It can be acted out with brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, neighbors and other children they associate with at schools, parks, camp grounds possibly at your house or in your yard.
Children who act out the abuse on other children grow up to victimize their own children and the cycle of abuse continues into the next generation and often times cycles into grandchildren, great grandchildren and so on.
Others take on relationships with abusive husbands or wives, it becomes the familiar of their traumatic childhood as the cycle perpetuates into their home.
Survivors can struggle with deep depression, are emotionally withdrawn, can have substance abuse issues, may struggle with self worth, the ability to participate in school or have close friends, struggle with stable employment or basic functioning in life and at times the pain of living with what they have experienced pushes them into ending the pain by trying to end their life, unfortunately some succeed.
Silence isn’t working. Every survivor has the right to have their voice heard. To be supported and believed. To be loved and to heal. Silence stops with me.