I am mourning the crossing of my Dear Aunt. Her services are today. . She has always been so kind to me and my children. To everyone honostly, I can easily describe her as a saint who dedicated her life to loving people and service, her family and everyone lucky enough to know her or cross paths.
It’s been a really long time sense we have talked or seen one another. It makes me feel really sad. I didn’t look forward to the future far enough to recognize that a day like this would be here this soon or that the chance of connecting with her in this timeline would one day no longer an option.
I am doing my best to be present with the moment, yet, my mind is racing from the past to the future. I am going back and forth between tender memories and into awefulizing future family scenarios. Days like today do not happen very often not to this extent anyways. I know what I am experiencing isn’t even all related to the sadness I feel about Aunt Barbaras time upon Earths Mother being complete for this life cycle. It’s more of a deep inner calling to heal ancient wounds.
Part of me wants to climb into my bed, wrap myself tightly in my covers and close my eyes. Tears and more tears trickle dawn my face instead,
I am crying for babies, children, adolescents, young women, women, for mothers, for grandmothers, for great grandmothers, boys, young boys, teenage boys, young men, men. Fathers, grandfathers, great grandfathers, for all generations from the point of creation and for all future generations to follow. For all beings, creatures, birds, fowl, Earth Mother, the Universe and beyond.
Agonizing cries are rising up from deep within my womb, with force traveling upward to be released, some of the sounds feel primal, almost a screech, if any noice at all, some ancient, some very young and some that are new. My head feels like it might explode, I am. It sure my heart will hold up. I continue to cry anyways.
I cry for out for every child that was hurt by their mother or fathers.
I cry for the pain I have inflicted on others. I cry because I can’t recreate the experiences to be any different. Not any of it, I cry because i know what pain feels like and it feels ugly to know that I was a part of hurting someone else. I cry because my understanding is limited by my perspective and I am sure throughout many lifetimes I’ve been a participant in hurting more people then i
could even possibly know. I cry, I surrender.
I cry for every parent that hurt their child.
I cry for every human that has been removed from their families and have had to find a way to live with the pain and emotional wreckage.
I cry for elders who are isolated and alone.
For all of the people in the prison systems, refugee camps, homeless, in institutes and hospitals. Hungry, rejected, abandoned, alone, forsaken.
Anyone who is hurting.
I cry for the collective shadow., the collective ego, the pain of feeling separation from Source-Creator, the split in the collective psyche. i cry for the dominant Divine Masculine and the rise of the Divine Feminine, the current wobble, the chaos, and the eventual return to Order.
I surrender and now choose to release all story lines… I surrender to all of the pain.. I surrender to attempting to control, I surrender.
I surrender.
I surrender.
I surrender.
If, you believe that God is born as a man and wants to unite mankind in the fellowship of the Holy Ghost, he must suffer the terrible torture of having to endure the world in all its reality. This is the cross he has to bear, and he himself is a cross. The whole world is God’s suffering, and every individual man who wants to get anywhere near his own wholeness knows that this is the way of the cross.~Carl Jung, Psychology and Religion, Pages 178-179.